Who’s On First – Abbott & Costello
Who's On First

Abbott & Costello

Anyone who has an interest in the golden age of Vaudeville, radio and television knows about Abbott and Costello’s famous Who’s On First sketch. When the duo first teamed up in 1937, they began working on burlesque style skits, which they ultimately honed to perfection.

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The Who’s on First sketch was originally titled “Who’s the Boss” and was a big hit when the duo performed it with a Vaudeville show called “Hollywood Bandwagon” in late ’37


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The Who’s on First sketch became so popular that president Franklin D Roosevelt asked Abbott & Costello to perform it at his birthday party in 1943. They accepted!


Who’s on First? The Skit in Full

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Before we begin, please note that Abbott and Costello changed the exact working of this sketch many times over the years. The words below may not exactly match a version you have heard but it should be pretty close!

Who’s On First – Here We Go!!!

Abbott: Well Costello, I’m going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankee’s manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you’re on the team.

Costello: Look Abbott, if you’re the coach, you must know all the players

Abbott: I certainly do

Costello: Well you know I’ve never met the guys. So you’ll have to tell me their names, and then I’ll know who’s playing on the team.

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Abbott: Oh, I’ll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.

Costello: You mean funny names?

Abbott: Strange names, pet names…like Dizzy Dean…

Costello: His brother Daffy

Abbott: Daffy Dean

Costello: And their French cousin

Abbott: French?

Costello: Goofé

Abbott: Goofé Dean. Well, let’s see, we have on the bags, Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know is on third…

Costello: That’s what I want to find out

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Abbott: I say Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know’s on third

Costello: Are you the manager?

Abbott: Yes

Costello: You gonna be the coach too?

Abbott: Yes

Costello: And you don’t know the fellows’ names?

Abbott: Well I should

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Costello: Well then who’s on first?

Abbott: Yes

Costello: I mean the fellow’s name

Abbott: Who

Costello: The guy on first

Abbott: Who

Costello: The first baseman

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Abbott: Who

Costello: The guy playing….

Abbott: Who is on first!

Costello: I’m asking YOU who’s on first

Abbott: That’s the man’s name

Costello: That’s who’s name?

Abbott: Yes

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me

Abbott: That’s it

Costello: That’s who?

Abbott: Yes

Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?

Abbott: Certainly

Costello: Who’s playing first?

Abbott: That’s right

Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Abbott: Every dollar of it

Costello: All I’m trying to find out is the fellow’s name on first base

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Abbott: Who

Costello: The guy that gets…

Abbott: That’s it

Costello: Who gets the money…

Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it

Costello: Who’s wife?

Abbott: Yes

Abbott: What’s wrong with that?

Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?

Abbott: Who

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Costello: The guy

Abbott: Who

Costello: How does he sign…

Abbott: That’s how he signs it

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Yes

Costello: All I’m trying to find out is what’s the guy’s name on first base

Abbott: No. What is on second base

Costello: I’m not asking you who’s on second

Abbott: Who’s on first

Costello: One base at a time!

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Abbott: Well, don’t change the players around

Costello: I’m not changing nobody!

Abbott: Take it easy, buddy

Costello: I’m only asking you, who’s the guy on first base?

Abbott: That’s right

Costello: Ok

Abbott: All right

Costello: What’s the guy’s name on first base?

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Abbott: No. What is on second

Costello: I’m not asking you who’s on second

Abbott: Who’s on first

Costello: I don’t know

Abbott: He’s on third, we’re not talking about him

Costello: Now how did I get on third base?

Abbott: Why you mentioned his name

Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman’s name, who did I say is playing third?

Abbott: No. Who’s playing first

Costello: What’s on first?

Abbott: What’s on second

Costello: I don’t know

Abbott: He’s on third

Costello: There I go, back on third again!

Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don’t go off it

Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?

Costello: Now who’s playing third base?

Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

Costello: What am I putting on third

Abbott: No. What is on second

Costello: You don’t want who on second?

Abbott: Who is on first

Costello: I don’t know

Abbott & Costello Together:Third base!

Costello: Look, you gotta outfield?

Abbott: Sure

Costello: The left fielder’s name?

Abbott: Why

Costello: I just thought I’d ask you

Abbott: Well, I just thought I’d tell ya

Costello: Then tell me who’s playing left field

Abbott: Who’s playing first

Costello: I’m not… stay out of the infield! I want to know what’s the guy’s name in left field?

Abbott: No, What is on second

Costello: I’m not asking you who’s on second

Abbott: Who’s on first!

Costello: I don’t know

Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

Costello: The left fielder’s name?

Abbott: Why

Costello: Because!

Abbott: Oh, he’s centerfield

Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?

Abbott: Sure

Costello: The pitcher’s name?

Abbott: Tomorrow

Costello: You don’t want to tell me today?

Abbott: I’m telling you now

Costello: Then go ahead

Abbott: Tomorrow!

Costello: What time?

Abbott: What time what?

Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who’s pitching?

Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching

Costello: I’ll break your arm, you say who’s on first! I want to know what’s the pitcher’s name?

Abbott: What’s on second

Costello: I don’t know

Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

Costello: Gotta a catcher?

Abbott: Certainly

Costello: The catcher’s name?

Abbott: Today

Costello: Today, and tomorrow’s pitching

Abbott: Now you’ve got it

Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team

Costello: You know I’m a catcher too

Abbott: So they tell me

Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow’s pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I’m gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

Abbott: Now that’s the first thing you’ve said right

Costello: I don’t even know what I’m talking about!

Abbott: That’s all you have to do

Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base

Abbott: Yes!

Costello: Now who’s got it?

Abbott: Naturally

Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody’s gotta get it. Now who has it?

Abbott: Naturally

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Naturally

Costello: Naturally?

Abbott: Naturally

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Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally

Abbott: No you don’t, you throw the ball to Who

Costello: Naturally

Abbott: That’s different

Costello: That’s what I said

Abbott: You’re not saying it…

Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally

Abbott: You throw it to Who

Costello: Naturally

Abbott: That’s it

Costello: That’s what I said!

Abbott: You ask me

Costello: I throw the ball to who?

Abbott: Naturally

Costello: Now you ask me

Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?

Costello: Naturally

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Abbott: That’s it

Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don’t Know. I Don’t Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don’t know! He’s on third and I don’t give a darn!

Abbott: What?

Costello: I said I don’t give a darn!

Abbott: Oh, that’s our shortstop

Video: Abbott and Costello perform Who’s on First

This iconic comedy sketch by Abbott and Costello has been tickling funny bones since the 1930s. It’s a comedic genius that showcases their impeccable timing, wordplay, and deadpan delivery. The sketch revolves around the confusion between the names of the baseball players and their positions, culminating in a hilarious and chaotic exchange between the two comedians.

The “Who’s on First” routine has become a classic, and its clever wordplay still resonates with audiences today. It has been referenced in countless movies, TV shows, and even music. The sketch remains a testament to the enduring legacy of Abbott and Costello’s comedy and their impact on pop culture.

If you haven’t seen the skit yet, it’s a must-watch for anyone who loves comedy. Abbott and Costello’s classic routine is a timeless masterpiece that will have you laughing out loud every time you watch it.

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4 responses to “Who’s On First – Abbott & Costello”

  1. Earl smith Avatar
    Earl smith

    My all time favorite comedy routine.

  2. Aaron Avatar
    Aaron

    I watched them do that for the first time in the early 1950s

  3. Kathleen Misczak Avatar
    Kathleen Misczak

    It definitely one of their best classic routines ever

  4. […] the 1940s and 1950s, Abbott and Costello starred in a series of successful films, including “Buck Privates,” “Hold That […]

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